Conflict is not evil in itself
Every community has differences of opinion, interests and temperament. Patrick Lencioni shows that lack of conflict (artificial harmony) is one of the dysfunctions of a team - people avoid hard topics and decisions are weak (see the five dysfunctions of a team). It is important to distinguish:
- task conflict - disagreements about ideas, goals, methods; with trust they can be creative;
- relationship conflict - personal tensions and grievances; usually harmful to the team.
The Thomas-Kilmann model
Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann (1974) described five conflict-handling modes along two dimensions: assertiveness (concern for one's own goals) and cooperativeness (concern for the other's goals).
| Mode | Assertiveness | Cooperativeness | When appropriate |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competing | high | low | quick decisions in a crisis, defending principles |
| Collaborating | high | high | important issues, need for a lasting solution |
| Compromising | medium | medium | limited time, equal power |
| Avoiding | low | low | trivial issues, need to cool down |
| Accommodating | low | high | relationship matters more than the issue, one's own mistake |
Each mode can be right; the problem is rigidly sticking to one.
Interest-based negotiation
Roger Fisher and William Ury (Getting to Yes, 1981) proposed four principles: separate the people from the problem, focus on interests, not positions, invent options for mutual gain, insist on objective criteria.
The Gospel way
- Fraternal correction - first a one-to-one conversation, then with witnesses, then before the community (Matt 18:15-17).
- Reconciliation before offering - “first be reconciled to your brother” (Matt 5:24).
- The dispute between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36-41) shows that even mature leaders disagree - later Paul speaks well of Mark (2 Tim 4:11).
Inner and outer conflict are separate modules of the Animator and Leader Toolkit course of the Akademia Przywództwa. See also leadership communication, psychological safety.
Sources
K. W. Thomas, R. H. Kilmann, Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, Xicom 1974 R. Fisher, W. Ury, Getting to Yes, Houghton Mifflin 1981 K. A. Jehn, A multimethod examination of the benefits and detriments of intragroup conflict, Administrative Science Quarterly 40 (1995) P. Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Jossey-Bass 2002 Matt 5:23-24; 18:15-17; Acts 15:36-41; 2 Tim 4:11